So, my new computer came today.

Okay, let me start over with a little back-story:

So, yes, I *did* have a laptop. Technically, I still do. I say "did," however, being that Microsoft decided to revamp Windows Genuine Advantage into, at best, a total hater. Now, for the uninitiated, W.G.A. (henceforth, WiGgA, for humor and brevity) is Microsoft's personal snitch. It goesa "hey! Lookie at you! Trying to steal Windows, tsk tsk. You made Bill Gates cry!" and then shuts down whatever you were trying to do.

Normally, this sort of thing doesn't scare me. Heh, not because I'm anti-filesharing, or anything; but XP came with ye olde laptop. Now, however, the fatal flaw in the new WiGgA software is this: It somehow opperates on the same channel as my display driver. So, picture if you will:

01 ME: oooh, programs! *CLICK!*

02 WiGgA: Oop- hold up there, champ. You wouldn't happen to be pirating Windows, now, would you?

03 ME: Oh, most certianly not. You can even check my serial number!"

04 WiGgA: Hm... it LOOKS legit, but I'm gonna have to call it in. Excuse me, nVidia? I need to get to the-

05 nVidia: Shut up, A-hole! I'm busy! You think it's EASY rendering millions of pixels 60 times a second?

06 WiGgA: Well, we're just going to have to wait.

07 ME: Wait, what?

08 WiGgA: Exaclty.

09 ME: ...

10 WiGgA: ...

11 GOTO 09

and it ends badly from there. Hours of toil and troubleshooting ended me up with no display whatsoever. I'll try and fix it, eventually. But right now, I'm just soaking in Vista. It's like staring down a professional poker player. Do I trust it? Or is it trying to bluff me into signing away any and all control of my computer? Do I bluff back? Dare I say double-bluff?

Anyway, healthy skepticism aside, I suppose I'm all the more at ease just knowing that whatever happens... will happen through my new(ish) 20 inch moniter! HELL YE-AH, BITCHES! Which brings me to the context of the title:

I fuckin' LOVE lavy business dudes!

And the reason is simple. They throw... shit.. out. Perfectly good shit. Shit that other people might want. And shit that just makes me giggle, all the way to the anti-bank; that is, the theoretical opposite of a bank where people go to exchange money to buy shit that ain't free. Sure, I can't prove that anti-banks are real. But, really, can you prove they AREN'T?

Anyway, long story slightly shorter: some hired kids were throwing out a whole bunch of tech stuff in the school dumpster, most likely from the businesses upstairs from our classrooms. I say that because my school would never spring for 20 inch moniters. Anyway, this particular model they had nick-named "The Behemoth." Now, the Behemoth held an eerie resemblance to my OLD moniter- a white 15.5 inch IBM with a blue button for the display menu- all except for it's relatively gargantuan stature. In short: it looks like the estranged, body-building forebear of my (now) cute and baby-esque old moniter. Anyway, I inquired if said hired guys might hook me up with just such a misappropriated diamond in the rough. (I think my actual words were, "that thing right there." To-may-to, to-mah-to.) They even helped me team-lift it to my jeep, if that helps one to visualize just how aptly they'd named it. I am literally afraid my light-weight sheet-metal IKEA desk might do a back-flip. Thank God for (seemingly) reliable, (semi)solid, Sweedish do-it-yourself furniture.

Okay. I'm exaggerating. But seriously, it's bigger than I'm used to, and I think that's just amazing. For now.

Anyway, all seems to be going well from here. I'll keep ya'll posted.

Oh yeah- and in hommage to the hearty young fellows who helped me load it up: the new computer shall be dubbed: The Behemoth.